The phone buzzed under my pillow. I received the call and got the news of her death from COVID19. I was shattered completely. I felt as if all my energy oozed out of my body. I wanted to see her for the last time but again I couldn’t convince my mind to call on her number. Various memories started to flash back.
We were not in touch for nearly two years. Our connection or affection or compassion never faded but we got so busy in our own lives dealing with various issues, we usually lose our old contacts and even our very close friends. She was one of my close friends. She was amazing person. I am a little selfish and choosy in making friends. She and I were together since college and then PG. It was not casual friendship, but some good bond was there. We had been friends for nearly 10 years.
She was an amazing person, a lovely girl, a nice human being, very compassionate, beautiful and her dressing sense added to her personality. I am actually short of words to describe her. She was just a complete person. She used to lecture me for my many flaws which were annoying but the intention behind lecturing was quite clear that is love and care for me. She used to scold me for different issues. But I know she actually loved me as I do.
After marriages usually girls don’t keep in touch with each other and here happened the same. The contact broke and I was like she is also doing well with her new married life. I want to confess here she do called me so many times but I really don’t know why I had not attended her calls. I was afraid to call on her number and made lame excuses of not being free but there came no thought of calling her back. I wished her new year but there came no reply and again I thought she might be busy with her new life and even thought maybe she had conceived or become a mother. I took this thing casually again.
But on receiving her death news I made some calls and received very sad news as she was suffering from Leukemia for last one plus year and was in Delhi for her treatment. It broke me totally. I am depressed and shattered as I had lost an amazing and a very nice human being. She was love and kindness to me. I can’t forget you and forgive myself for not taking your calls. It will always be guilt and I deserve this.
Folks, please do connect to your favorite's, as life is unpredictable. You never know whom you are going to lose next and I can’t describe the pain of not saying goodbye and that pain never let you sleep peacefully. I don’t know why she was calling, what she wanted to share and what she was suffering. I don’t even know what is more painful ‘losing her or not seeing her at her last moment, or guilt of not being available to her in those difficult times. I just want let her know that I wasn’t aware that you are enduring so much pain otherwise I would have been available to you.
Take your time out of your busy schedule and do connect to all those who are your favorite as tell them how you feel about them and remain in touch otherwise you will not have time to describe that how much they matter to you.
“I loved you so much”. I hope you are relieved of all the pains and now you are resting in peace. Wherever you are, I hope you will read this message and forgive me. Om Shanti!
"The author of this blog post is my wife, Chandni. If you do like the story, do comment below with your feedback and suggestions how to overcome the guilt or sadness she is having in her heart".