Confessions: Pain in Soul

The phone buzzed under my pillow. I received the call and got the news of her death from COVID19. I was shattered completely. I felt as if all my energy oozed out of my body. I wanted to see her for the last time but again I couldn’t convince my mind to call on her number. Various memories started to flash back. 

We were not in touch for nearly two years. Our connection or affection or compassion never faded but we got so busy in our own lives dealing with various issues, we usually lose our old contacts and even our very close friends. She was one of my close friends. She was amazing person. I am a little selfish and choosy in making friends. She and I were together since college and then PG. It was not casual friendship, but some good bond was there. We had been friends for nearly 10 years. 

She was an amazing person, a lovely girl, a nice human being, very compassionate, beautiful and her dressing sense added to her personality. I am actually short of words to describe her. She was just a complete person. She used to lecture me for my many flaws which were annoying but the intention behind lecturing was quite clear that is love and care for me. She used to scold me for different issues. But I know she actually loved me as I do. 

After marriages usually girls don’t keep in touch with each other and here happened the same. The contact broke and I was like she is also doing well with her new married life. I want to confess here she do called me so many times but I really don’t know why I had not attended her calls. I was afraid to call on her number and made lame excuses of not being free but there came no thought of calling her back. I wished her new year but there came no reply and again I thought she might be busy with her new life and even thought maybe she had conceived or become a mother. I took this thing casually again. 

But on receiving her death news I made some calls and received very sad news as she was suffering from Leukemia for last one plus year and was in Delhi for her treatment. It broke me totally. I am depressed and shattered as I had lost an amazing and a very nice human being. She was love and kindness to me. I can’t forget you and forgive myself for not taking your calls. It will always be guilt and I deserve this. 

Folks, please do connect to your favorite's, as life is unpredictable. You never know whom you are going to lose next and I can’t describe the pain of not saying goodbye and that pain never let you sleep peacefully. I don’t know why she was calling, what she wanted to share and what she was suffering. I don’t even know what is more painful ‘losing her or not seeing her at her last moment, or guilt of not being available to her in those difficult times. I just want let her know that I wasn’t aware that you are enduring so much pain otherwise I would have been available to you. Take your time out of your busy schedule and do connect to all those who are your favorite as tell them how you feel about them and remain in touch otherwise you will not have time to describe that how much they matter to you. “I loved you so much”. I hope you are relieved of all the pains and now you are resting in peace. Wherever you are, I hope you will read this message and forgive me. Om Shanti!

"The author of this blog post is my wife, Chandni. If you do like the story, do comment below with your feedback and suggestions how to overcome the guilt or sadness she is having in her heart".

'This post is part of Blogchatter's CauseAChatter'  (https://www.theblogchatter.com/causeachatter)'

The Boundaries of Sanity by Mira Saraf: (Book Review)

  

                                               

Mira Saraf has beautifully crafted five stories of five different people who are dealing with a variety of mental issues in the form of guilt, anxiety, self-image and so on.

Story 1 - Solitary Confinement 

The first story is about a woman named Mrinalini dealing with a situation of solitary confinement on an unknown island and constantly dealing with her inner demons. The story somehow reminded me how Tom Hanks got stuck on an island for several years all alone in the movie ‘Cast Away’.  

Story 2 - Spilling over the edges

Guilt is a feeling which if done cannot be changed. The Second story is about a woman engulfed with guilt imagining her married life with Reyansh falling apart. 

Story 3 - Senseless Worries

The third story is about how Tanya who recently got separated from her husband starts suspecting her friend, Amrita whom she gave asylum to after she got separated from her husband. She is dealing with an injury on her arm which looks like some serious disease.

Story 4 - The Mirage

The fourth story is about the author who is writing a novel one day and suddenly some hallucinations cause her mind to believe there are things which actually don’t exist in reality. 

Story 5- The Storyteller 

And the last story is about the journey of a man through time and thoughts. During his travel he finds his right muse and thus discovers his lost passion.

The book is short and can be finished in one go. The language is very easy to understand, however it makes the reader confused. At times I felt as if all the stories are connected with each other. The stories are very sadistic in nature as all stories have the main character going through some sort of aloofness. If you are a person who loves to read humor, then this book is not for you. Personally, I liked the first story “The solitary confinement”. The reason is simple as I could relate the main character in the story with Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away.

Do click on the Amazon link and enjoy reading all five stories in one go and that too in #Kindle edition. 

Rating: 3.5/5