Memoir

It all started four years ago. I was working as a software engineer in Bangalore. One fine Friday evening at Electronic City Phase-2, my roommate and I were ready to enter the trance state of Old Monk with homemade cooked desi chicken, my phone started ringing.

Shit!!! Dad calling. 

I rushed out in the open to feel a gasp of fresh air and answered the call in 5 rings.

Hello!

I am fine papa. How are you?

”Dinner हो गया बेटा ?”

I replied, ”हंजी, बस पाँच मिनिट में  करेंगे ”. I lied but they never know this 5 minute will be 500 minutes very soon once the party is on.

After dad, the control was passed to the high command: my mother. After the usual हाल-चाल टॉक, the moment came when my mother threw a bomb,” We have received a perfect match for you and now you need to plan your travel to Jammu and see the girl”. I said,”आपने देखी है तो ठीक ही होगी”. I pretended to be a सज्जन बेटा. But I had a parallel thought running in my mind,”यार एक बार लड़की की फोटो माँग ले. First level of check हो जाएगा”. I muster courage to ask but couldn’t. Meanwhile I remember Mr Old Monk waiting for me. I ended the call and joined back.

Back of my mind, I was still thinking if I get a picture of the lady right now, I can search the entire Google network to just have a glimpse of my ‘going to be’ bride. By the time I finished my first drink (just to let you all know I am a corporate drinker), my phone buzzed. Wow! My sister sent me the pic. That day my respect for SRK grew manifolds (जिस चीज़ को पूरी शिद्दत से चाहो तो पूरी कायनात जूट जाती है उससे पाने के लिए). Secretly I opened my Facebook and started my hunt. After spending 15 minutes endless search, I started to lose hope. All results were negative. Being on social media is as mandatory as having a Aadhar card. If you are not on Facebook, then you are seen with an eye of suspicion.

Why she is not on Facebook?

Has she deleted her account?

What made her delete the account? All sorts of futile questions started popping in my mind. Anyways I gulped down my 3^rd drink with great difficulty, had my dinner and went off to sleep. I swear on Gita, I had a sleepless night that day.

Next morning I planned my vacation to home on occasion of Rakhsbandhan. I reached Jammu a week in advance. Everything was planned by my parents. Our meeting with girl’s family was arranged 5 days before Rakshabandhan. We met, exchanged pleasantries and the first thing I clarified from the girl about why she is not on facebook? Ahh!!! Nothing to worry, I was needlessly worrying. Our engagement was fixed a day before Rakshabandhan. Thank God else I would have got into a different relationship. Finally my first real love story started.

Life has been so cruel to me. Right from my school days, I was a very shy and an introvert kind of boy when it came to interacting with friends of opposite gender. I had great difficulty having eye contact with girls. Many times I stood in front of the mirror and stared in my eyes and questioned my sexual orientation. I search on internet about how to verify your orientation. I decided to undergo few tests on myself. I started watching porn. Test OK (Do I need to explain how?)!!!

Test 2 was a bit difficult for me. I had to make contact (not physical contact) with my class mate. But how to execute? She must think I am a pervert. Anyways I was concerned about my orientation result. Next morning I asked for digital electronics notes from my class rep. While she handed the notes I managed to give a feathery touch. My God!!! That was electrifying. Must be 10000 Volts. Test 2 Pass!!!

It is not about orientation but ones individual nature. After my marriage, I have noticed either I have become extrovert or more open with girls or I am more handsome than before or I am now out of insecurity zone- now I have a life partner.

I hope you all enjoyed the journey with me so far. I will continue with ‘शादी के side effects’ in my next post very soon. Till then keep writing, keep dating until you are a bachelor and eat healthy, stay healthy.