Autology!!!

The day i landed in Bengaluru i was filled with immense Joy and felt exalted that i am going to be live in India's IT HUB or what we call it - Silicon valley. Compared to Hyderabad climate of Bengaluru is far better although the natives tell that it's a bit warmer nowadays than previous year. Apart from climate factor other things that Bengaluru will give you an Adrenaline push is it's Traffic and cost of living. Of course means of public transport is excellent as Luxury Volvo buses ply on roads but everybody can't afford to travel on them. Every time i travel from my place, Electronic City to Forum Mall Banglore i feel nauseating and lethargic when i reach there. So bengaluru has it's pros and cons. Actually everything does have it's pros and cons and we as humans need to find a right kind of attitude and solution to tackle it out. On one side Bengaluru is among the fastest growing cities in India and on the other hand it's on the verge of exploding because of large scale migration of people from different states who work over here. Is there any solution possible??? I find me helpless????
                Another big problem that i faced is the rude behavior of Autowaalas. One day me and vinod were coming from forum mall(well known place) to electronic city. We were too tired to take a walk to our home so decided to take auto and asked one of the autowaala how much he would charge to go to Anand reddy layout(Distance from the point we were standing to anand reddy layout would be 1 KM). The person told us that he will charge Rs 40, We insisted him to go by meter but he refused and said this is fixed rate. Then i told in a very polite way,"bhaiya chennai nahin jaana hai, satyam tak hi jaana hai". At that moment the guy went crazy as if i had lighted some Diwali patakha. Two more autowaalas came and stood behind us and the person started shouting at us. Then i asked that guy to calm down and told vinod to move on. When i was about to move i thought of taking a picture of the registration number of the auto (There is a web community in face book and also at Indi-Blogger meet in the "CIVIL DEFENSE" seminar i came to know how to register a complaint about such errant behavior of autowallas). That guy saw me clicking pictures and rushed towards me. He started snatching my cellphone. Then vinod also turned back and came as my savior. The expression on that man's face clearly indicated signs of guilt, fear, anxiety. That is why he was trying to stop me from clicking pictures. At that very moment i said to myself that in future i won't hire that bloody asshole's Auto and i need to be better prepared about how i need to tackle such kind of situations in future.

P.S If you are in Bengaluru, it is advisable to take Volvo bus to reach your destination. Please avoid Autos.

Wish I had....

Had i not attended the Indiblogger meet at Bengluru i wouldn't be writing this post. I am highly obliged to Indiblogger team and acknowledge their initiative of bringing different bloggers together. Oh man just kidding, i am actually in a state of hangover because yesterday i went to Chinnaswamy stadium to watch ongoing India-Aussie test match and felt very disappointed on my phone (probably for the first time) as it had built-in camera of 2 MP of no use. It's clarity is pathetic. I couldn't click any pictures of all time favourite, GOD, legendary Sachin Tendulkar playing a superb innings. Only yesterday i realised the importance of camera phone. If i had a built-in camera i could have clicked pictures of sachin and tweeted on my twitter profile.
That would have helped me gain more readership or can say the TRP of my account would have gone up. An excellent resolution with touch technology would make my phone a killer version in market. The touch of a finger is utmost powerful as compared to pressing keys. A new born feels the presence of his mother by a mere touch. When he grows to an adult then the meaning of finger would mean different to him. Then he will use his finger to arouse his partner. With the camera i could click pictures anytime and with GPRS on my phone i would immediately share it with friends. Looks cool. being an ITian not IITian i need to check mails so need my phone to tell me that i have received a new email. Also if i had size of more than 2.5"(talking about screen size. Don't think something else) i can enjoy videos on the go to keep me entertained because i have no girlfriend. For those who have someone special in their life they don't need big screen size as they have a walk-talk Ipod. I wish my phone vibration to match earthquake of 7.5 Richter scale. Many a times I have missed calls from friends and family and then i have to give excuses why i didn't pick the call. Lastly as they say size doesn't matter i would like my phone to be small, cute and light but a heavy loaded man-made tool to satisfy my all needs.

.....Contd Tour Diary

...so u saw #Hogenakkal Falls in my last post. Hope you liked it the way i portrayed. Time to move on to our next destination- #COORG. Coorg is known as "Scotland of India" - that sounds cool isn't it. You can enjoy the awesome weather of coorg along with roaming in #Coffee plantation. After me, vinod and prabhat came back after our wonderful #Ravaan boat ride we were totally exhausted with the hot and humid weather. Hemant who surrendered himself well before going just half the mark was crying in the car. He was insisting that he will go back to room once we reach banglore as Banglore would fall in our way to Coorg. So to calm him down, we gave him some #Chilled Beer( it's rare occasion when u get chilled beer in Tamil Nadu). Finally we set out for #Coorg. We were so tired because of the heat and most importantly we had only Dosa's in the morning. All fell asleep once we travelled just few Kilometers. One important information- there are two ways to reach Coorg from Hogenakkal. One is shortest one but you need to cross some Barricade before 6'O Clock else you have stay in the jungle for whole night and moreover on that way you might find wild animals. As we were shortof time decided unanimously to go by longest route. Everything was going according to Murphy's plan. After one hour was passed we asked Cabwaala to stop at some dhaba for evening tea. I must tell you if you are travelling anywhere in North India you will find numerous Dhabas on your way but on our journey we found very less that i can count on my finger tips. We were about 60 Kms away from Bengluru when at a T-Junction our Cabwaala stopped to enquire about the right route. He took a left turn from there and SPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..............................................

                Oh Uncle Murphy........how are you??????

                                    It was just a slight turn and a bikewaala coming from behind at supersonic speed hit our cab at the bumper and he went skidding off the road for 50 meters. Damage to our cab was done but we all looked for the youngistaan of India. He was holding his head. He was bleeding and suddenly a poliwaala came and he was rushed to hospital. After that thing i thought why i was not the first person to get off and helped that young one. Don't know but something stopped me. Leave me neither any local man from the accident scene rushed towards the boy. Instead they flocked our vehicle from all sides and started talking in Tamil, i guess. Then the policewaala asked us to come to station as it wasn't safe to stand there. We knew that we are standing in an Alien land so we followed as they said.  All four of us looked at each other and smiled and said,"It's all over." If this accident would have happened in #North India then the people would have given our driver such a beating which not only he but we also would have remembered throughout our lives. People in North are always ready to mingle in fights even thought they are nowhere related to that guy. Don't know whether they are so caring for others or they want to vent out some frustration. So, after story is that our cab was #detained and we waited at Police Station for 4 #fucking hours on assurance of cabwaala that he has arranged some other cab which will take us to #Banglore (Home Sweet Home which we were desperately lookig for). No food nothing, only dosa in the morning and we were standing at police station liek 4 #Idiots for no crime of ours. It might be the curse of not telling #Ankesh about the trip or might be that our trip was cancelled previously and we again rescheduled it in a short span of time. Finally when no cab came we decided to take bus to electronic city. On reaching room we ordered for #Beer and drank like as if we have reached at #Coorg. First time we planned an outing with all the roommates and this is how it ended. Next time we will pray to Murphy before leaving for any trip. Hope you have seen the pics of #Hogenakkal on my Facebook account else i will post pics here later. As i am in office right now i am helpless.

                            We will complete this incomplete journey very soon ;).............

Tour Diary....

It's been around 6 months since i landed in Bangalore to start my second innings at newly acquired Mahindra Satyam. To my utter dismay i am in so called Nestle SAP project which is a support one. I am supporting nestle for the last 6 months even on weekends.It has been a rare occasion when i get offs on weekends so Vinod is always annoyed when he plans some outing and i say 'NO' because of unavoidable circumstances. But last week luckily i got 2 holidays on Thursday and Friday (Friday being OFF for EID). This time me and hemant decided to plan a trip come what may. We have to show to vinod that we are 'Mard'. We planned to go to Munnar(in TN) and Coorg (In Karnataka).Everything was going as per plan but some misunderstanding happened or Murphy took over. Then again the trip was rescheduled but this time we planned for #HOGENAKKAL FALLS and #COORG. We booked a Indica the very next day, early in the morning. Whole night we made checklist of the essential items that we require to protect ourselves from #Cold of #Coorg. Vinod created a playlist of 200 latest songs. everyone contributed on his own to make the 'Mardon ki Trip' a success. Next morning at 8:00 AM we left Electronic city towards #Hogenakkal falls. It's about 110 KMs from Electronic city Bangalore. Hogenakkal falls is a place in Tamil Nadu. Cauvery river falls from a height and the impact is such that water rebounces back after hitting the surface. One feels droplets of water hitting one's face and feels like #Jannat in scorching heat. Roja, Raavan have been shot there. The interesting point is that on one side of cauvery is Karnataka and other side is Tamil nadu.When we reached there it was scorching heat. So hemant and me decided to quench our thirst. Note: If you are in tamil nadu, don't ask for your favourite brand of beer because you won't get that and that too warm one. Most hillarious moment was we were offered Beer with #Phullian or #Bhel. After that we set out to see the Falls. First we encountered #Maalish waalas who will provide oil maalish to you. People were bathing, washing clothes and doing all sorts of stuff to contaminate the water. Ladies were also bathing #Naked as if it to wash off their sins. Ohhh i must tell you,if you are going there keep change as after every 100 meters a barricade wil come and ask for entry fees. And they are not Govt. employees but local #Janta. Most amazing moment was boating in #Cup shaped boats. The rower took out boat almost near the great fall. That moment was hell scary and i got my balls in my mouth and cried," Darr ke aage Peshaab hai". After boating for about 45 minutes we returned and set out for our next journey to #Coorg. Don't miss this part as in this part Murphy chacha takes over full control. Till then wait for my next update.......

Pleasure!!!

Having attained my Silver Jubilee this May, my virility is ever increasing. Not only in
dreams but in my conscious state i encounter sexual fantasies. And after my dream is over
i am filled with enormous amount of Liquefied Stinky Cum(LSC) just needing a Hand-Of-GOD.
To be frank i feel embarrassed at times when the so called slack organ which points towards
the Holy Earth showing respect for guests becomes parallel to the ground. May be that's why people have said that it's the only strongest and lightest tool in the world designed by world's greatest architect- The Almighty. Then there is people around me always talking about hiring some slut to show their masculine power but never that had happened. They even have invited me to do the honours but i declined stating "MORALE VALUES". Let me tell you one incident that happened with me recently in Bangalore. Me and my friend/colleague went to see mujra. As we were on our way i was in a bit 'Fati huyi halat' but was showing full vigor externally. As we entered the Heaven which we didn't know will soon be hell for us. There was a hall decorated with flowers, couches were in place at the corner with small rectangular tables placed in front of them. In the center 4-5 girls were dancing with old/third grade Hindi songs. Few of the girls were pretty but few were doubtful as to whether they are woo-men or eunuchs(transgender). The entire ambiance was absolutely dance bar type. And then most hilarious part- all the bartenders came one by one and shook hands with us. I didn't understand the idea behind this??? But i felt like i am a client who will do humping and pumping after session of boozing.
We ordered for one beer and started enjoying it. Songs followed one after another, girls also dancing in rotation. The girls kept staring at us while dancing. I simply couldn't match with their sight and started ignoring their eyes. Suddenly i felt as if the girl was begging for help. As if she was enslaved by their masters. I saw hunger for love, freedom in their eyes. I wondered how these girls end up here. May be there parents sold them because of poverty or she might be orphan and picked by the pimps and the questions went on increasing exponentially. One girl while dancing suddenly started sobbing on one song. That was the moment i went mad. May be she got nostalgic or it was a mere stunt attempted to invoke emotional feeling in visitors to throw money at them. Whatsoever but i felt the episode more lively than a mere drama. We both decided to leave. On leaving the Heaven turned hell i decided never to return. Also i realized that i can't pump a girl illicitly.
It's better to just fantasize in dreams or in conscious state rather than actually involving you in such kind of activity. 'Haath-hi mere saathi' or 'apna haath jagan-nath' are best way to discharge your love safely. There are numerous instances of my E activity. Recently i completed hand job in Air, Road and Rail. Next time i am planning
to go under water. Pray for me. Till then keep your fantasy alive;)

Reminiscence....

The day was 7Th July 2008. The day when we along with 78 other guys were officially inducted into 4Th largest(at that time) IT service company at Hyderabad.I used to think in my college that if any XYZ person wants to work in software industry he should have good knowledge of A,B,C computer languages. But after i found me in the list of selected candidates, i was shocked. During my interview at college, satyam HR asked me to write a program of array multiplication which i didn't know at all and even now i won't be able to do it, even then i was selected. I am still perplexed what these people want from as a fresher??? Are they really in search of Techie geeks or just bonded labourers??? AT satyam i met guys who were big at heart. I also met few ch***** type personalities. Then there were Nagaraju who would do nothing except crying foul over indiscipline. He is short, black, keeps moustache and wears a typical big knot as if it will choke his neck.Others were Commander and SIVA(...his hand gesture, you know, always talking about process, his pronunciation and most important his Cat walk). I still remember when potan and simba enacted him in our class. I always wondered that commander and nagaraj are taking fat pay cheque every month but what for??? May be that's why commander why fired when satyam's condition got worse( i m not sure of this fact but i heard it people saying). Apart from fun around us, we used to have OLA's and i failed in every OLA. After 3 OLA's i was handed over LOC( not line of control but Letter of caution) and whole batch applauded and i raised my hand in air as if i am going to address an election rally just like rahul gandhi :D. At our lab we used to do all sorts of mischievous thing like watching .214 link and cracking jokes. It was total fun. And everyday we used to booze with guys like bagga, soda, anzal, nair, lokesh and ofcourse our cold smoker Tarun. But as they say nothing is absolute, everybody has to move on. Few guys from .net were transferred to Bangalore and rest of us were asked to report on bench (honeymoon period). Our honeymoon didn't last long and we were in CBNA project that too again at STC. Automation testing, was the work there. Task: open script (already made)...run it...check error...add repository...run again...once finish update it in QC tool. We worked for 4 months as shadow resource (f*****g concept in project) and were kicked to VPP. Only i female associate who joined with us was retained. Don't know why :D.
Without a second thought, i decided that i will not stay put in Hyd any longer. Before leaving i joined TIME correspondence course in HYD. During my 9 months of VPP i only studied for just 0ne month and spent rest of the time doing masti. I also prepared a business plan along with Tarun and Ankesh but due to capital constraint it didn't work out. Applied in IVolunteer for NGO work..gave MBA exams.Finally my wait ended in Feb when i was recalled from VPP to join new city, new people but old friends. My new project NESTLE.
From Feb 28Th 2010 to till date i am working in 24*7 nestle project. I always wished to work in night shift but now i don't want it anymore. You meet new faces, new people each and every moment and here also i met few interesting guys- nabaneet, prabhat, arjun. But i would like to offer my gratitude to my trainer- Mr. Naveen kumar.
This was all the memoirs that i could recall and the moments that i didn't mention here may be deliberately left for you to comment. Taking forward all Reminiscences would end with the thought "We never know where, how we end up but one thing we can do is just enjoy each and every moment. Stay cheerful"

Why Me???

I don't remember when it stopped happening and why did it happened at all? It had become an integral part of my life and i swear to GOD that i had pledged to devote a part of my daily life to it. Confused??? I am talking about 'Blogging'. During our placement session in our college, we all tend to memorise or cram up "Strong points", "weak points" and even "Hobbies and interests". Why we do so??? Hey man, can't we use our own Fucking brain (sry for the word :P) but still knowingly we do such act. I also committed the same mistake but after i flunked my first company interview (TCS HR round). But that's past and it's never gonna come again. Let's think of today....after all it's 25 years that i have been blessed on this beautiful planet and what i have achieved. I met millions of people till now, interacted with many( can't calculate exact figure which is the reason why i scored less in Aptitude of CAT 2010), many became my friends, some became good friends and lastly but the most important- My Sweet Little family (MOM, PAA and SIS). Now i am an engineer and working in a Fucking Indian IT company where everyday i feel as if my ass is hanging just above a sword and i pray to GOD please keep me hanging else my ASS would be in 4 pieces. To be true to GOD i am just working for the sake of money that i am getting and not for my peace of mind 'coz at 25 i can't ask Dad to spend on me. VPP was the golden time in my life when actually i could have done something to find out my 'DESTINY' but i let it piss off my penis. Actually i am too lazy to stick to one kind of work ( i don't know what is the right word for such personality. I you know let me know). Yesterday i was lying in Apollo hospital( tell you in the end why i landed there) and went into flashback and recollected where i am wrong. To my surprise i found myself never clinging to my target till it is achieved fully. Every time i start it and in between move on to some other. Such an attitude is very disgusting and non-productive. Not only this but i fell into a addicted company of *shraab and *other. I know they are never gonna help me towards my health but i feel the necessity after few days. Recently got myself addicted to grass but very soon i regained my conscious and pledged never to take it again. Although i know past never comes but it's never too late to get things right. It's time to just WAKE UP.
Before signing off for the day, how i reached Apollo. Actually my roommate was diagnosed with kidney stone and was admitted in Apollo Hospital for 3 days. I had three days off,so had to stay with him. Earlier i had planned a trip to ooty in these holidays but 'Fate is Uncertain' and ended up in hospital instead. Bye for now guys. I can't assure you when i will get back to blogging again but do visit and don't forget to post comment. Stay happy and healthy :P